My situation was much different & there was no cheating on either side....I just could no longer tolerate all the crap I had to put up with....it was financial irresponsibility & I could never trust that he would communicate to me let alone tell me the truth....found out after I left that I had been dealing with someone with undiagnosed Asperger's for 33 years.

The last 13 years of the marriage we just lived together under the same rood but in different parts of the house....it was a nightmare. Our daughter was just in her senior year of high school when I lost my engineering career & everything came to a fighting head that exploded. Financially we couldn't sell the house & there was so much debt after all my mental hospital stays. All the mental health care people thought it was my loss of career that was the problem....the year after I left I realized that it wasn't my career but him that was the problem & had been from the beginning. Sometimes unknowingly we go ahead & get ourselves into marriages that never should have been from the beginning.

Honestly you might want to find out more from your wife what she found to be the problem with your marriage then about the affair she had because finding about what went wrong with the marriage could help you fix things that might have come from you for your own future benefit & growth process of your own. The reason marriages fail is never one sided (or at least mostnofnthe time it's not). I realize I didn't have patients to deal with someone like my H where another woman might not have had that problem. I reacted to him the way I did because OD the dysfunctional family I grew up in....nice parents but totally dysfunctional though they would have denied that....my current T clearly calls it dysfunction...& I created my own dysfunction fighting to never be like them. All the little pieces do connect when we start to put the pieces together.

All the things that my x-H's parents & family said about him fit perfectly into the Asperger's picture once I learned what the picture looked like. Sometimes it takes years to sort through all the information &'putnthenpieces together. Easier when out of the relationship without all the emotional fighting getting in the way.

Like I said....more important to know the REAL REASON why your wife found the marriage NOT satisfying then the details of the affair.