U seem to have a very charming, logical and charismatic mind. It is an engaging and illustrative way you depict your strife in that finding a solution is a nonexistent possibility while death is an existent one.
Nonetheless, in truth- to say there isn't a solution to a problem is faulty logic. While perhaps many or even most people it seems get to 4 by adding 2 +2 , one can also get there by adding 3 +1, or even in some cases when life has us at -4, by adding 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 until we get there. The truth of the matter is, is that even though it pains us to see it (and when suffering from mental illness, our symptoms will force us to refuse to see it entirely), there is logically and legitimately not just one solution to our problems, but an infinite number of possible solutions to our problems. It doesn't mean it will be easy to find one. But logically - mathematically , there is. We might just have to give up on the 2s and start looking at entirely different numbers is all.
All my love and best to you.
ps. I adore the diaper quote btw. Yes, it is indeed for myself as well.