You're exactly right. And, even knowing this, I am still stuck in this limbo of uncertainty. I've said this very thing to my friend several times. I said "If he would do something AWFUL like cheat on me or get arrested, it would be an easy decision. But he isn't awful, he's just not right. And I don't know what to do."

He is not an awful person. He is not a mean person. He just isn't right for ME. And, I feel guilty for that. And, I also am insecure and second-guess and worry. And I wonder if I am being too judgey or if I am being too picky or if I am listening to all my girlfriends and my mom who say I should move on.

I am scared to commit because I'm not sure its right, but I am also afraid to be alone because I don't want to make a mistake.

And, quite honestly, today I cannot just up and leave. I am in the middle of a new job and finishing grad school and I just don't think I could mentally go through a breakup and find a new place to live and all that drama. And so I feel bad about that too.

I think I need to not get married in February. I think maybe I don't need to commit. As long as I am open with him and we keep seeing a counselor.

My aunt is moving to this area in the summer. So, I do have options in a few months. Until then, I guess I have to just be civil, put myself in to seeing if therapy works, and take things one day at a time. And NOT get married. That would be a bad decision and there is no reason why I HAVE to. And, if he isn't ok with that and doesn't understand, then I've got to do what I have to do and find a place to live sooner than anticipated.

I guess I just feel uncomfortable not knowing. Some people talk about how they just KNOW they found their partner. The only time I felt that, we dated for 5 years and he ended up stalking me and putting me in the hospital twice. So, I'm not really sure about my own intuition at this point. yknow?