You want to be "the good one," the one who was "wronged." That represents a kind of self-righteous pride.

Moving in with someone already is a huge commitment, not all that much different from getting married. Sure, you can move out . . . just like a married person can always get a divorce. But legal paperwork is actually easier to get arranged than finding a new place to live. What would you do about the horses? You've already blended your life with his to a degree that makes it difficult to unentangle your two lives.

The only thing you haven't done is have children together. That would make disengaging even more difficult.

You're not old, but you're not a teenager. With each year that passes, replacing boyfriends gets less easy. There is the risk that, if you leave him, you might end up alone. Be honest with yourself that not all your reasons for staying put are altruistic. He may be a pain in the butt, but he offers some things.

You could stay where you are and just not go forward with the marriage. He might, then, be the one to decide to leave you. Could you stomach that?