was fine first part of the day, depression & anxiety at a minimum. started working in my room, got a lot more done than i did yesterday. i've been getting rid of things that i don't want/need and making room for the stuff i care about.

then my mood crashed at around 3. now my digestive system's acting up and making me feel bad to the point i wish i had not eaten (though i actually enjoyed the food for once). i want to cry for some reason, but i can't. i think it dawns on me sometimes just how isolated i truly am in my own life; no friends, hardly a family, and even the family i'm 'close' to do not really understand me or my depression. no one really knows the true me. i keep her hidden in my diaries and poems, and on PC sometimes. but no one truly knows who i am. they only know what i have chosen to reveal to them (which isn't much). it gets me very lonely. doesn't help that i am socially anxious and an introvert who has a past of being bullied. making friends that aren't online is almost impossible. i'm fairly good at articulating myself and my feelings in private, but with others...