Hi estrella,

I'm sorry you're going through such an hard time
But for me..........I think you're already showing a lot of insight into what's going on for you, which IS a really big thing, and a great start to moving on.
You know that something is wrong, you're looking for (holding onto possible) answers/diagnosis's, you're looking for understanding for yourself and from others about what's going on for you and hoping for help with things alongside an actual diagnosis/es, do you think??
And all of that would be completely understandable if you're struggling
And maybe you've had the right diagnosis/es, maybe not..........but there's something missing, right??
Perhaps it's not getting the right support with your diagnosis/es, perhaps you've been missing the opportunity/encouragement to talk to professionals fully about everything going on with you leading them to the wrong diagnosis or you to feeling they can't really understand/there's more.........., perhaps you haven't had the feeling that some others have really related to what you're going through???
I don't know if thinking about any things like that might help you find some possible solutions that might help just a bit...........???
And I don't know if this is connected or separate but "I think it's just because I want to be accepted and feel loved" stands out a lot to me.........I'm reading that you don't feel accepted or loved, or not enough of that in your life??
And estrella, I'd say that must be really tough for you. I'm so sorry you feel or have been made to feel that way
So real important to address..........could that be down to the effects of bad experiences, down to unsupportive people in your life, down to feeling generally depressed.........things to maybe think about/address............because you shouldn't have to "fit in" to be accepted and loved..........ideally people should be accepted, understood and loved for "who they are"

Alison