So, it was here that I told that I lost my job recently. The today's headline of mine would read:

'Japanese mentally ill worker keeps on fighting'

Some like that. I haven't slept much past few days, I rested a bit yesterday afternoon and that's it. I didn't know what was gonna be my next move, wanted to kill myself, hurt myself again, **** like that. And this morning, it's half past 5 here, my head's not hurting, I'm doing alright, I know what I do for my worker's right today.

The city council once recognized my mental ill status. Also the city manages these,,,what? I don't know what to call it, they have legal oversight system for any employer/employee dispute, that kinda thing. This is not America, the company that I'm still employed under wants me to quit. They want me to admit the responsibilities for my actions at the place of my work, and we are both stupid y'know, I know I'm not that smart but they aren't either.

As far as I understand the relationship, the legal side of things between employer and employee, for whatever reasons, employer can't ask the employee to send in a paper requesting his own termination. Sure they can ask, but I'm denying the request, from my point of view, what I did was wrong and I'm ready to take the full responsibilities for the almost physical threat to a coworker of mine. Other than that, what I did was for the company, my current status of not going to work any more is upon the 'verbal' request from my boss and I'm just following it.

I'm not trying to explain this all here, my head had been so confused because I live alone, and this morning, I'm getting myself back together.

Yesterday was so bad, I think I was having paranoia? I was thinking and being afraid of a lot of unrealistic thoughts, also, I was gonna call a local tv station for this work situation of mine, to make a huge deal out of it in public.

I know what to do today and I'm going out to get help, and I don't know what to expect at all. Physically and mentally, I can't say that I been doing so well. The help I'm looking for on the cheap without getting lawyer involved which I don't have may not be as helpful as I want it to be.

The company men almost convinced me to turn in the resignation letter. I knew it wasn't right though. I'm not admitting defeat for the fight, I wanted to make the change and that's what I still pursue in this endeavor.

ETA: What I mean by being different to America, y'know all the talk of MI stigma, I don't recognize it in this society of mine, hey, I just don't watch news much enough, I can't say for sure, depressions and criminals are here doing bad things to ppl. I'm saying that I just get the feeling that Japs don't blame MI (labels) for people's wrong doing. I'm sorry I can't help with the subject even if I wanted to, maybe you can look 'em up if ya interested. Then again, I guess the good stuff, the true stuff maybe written in Japanese blogs or whatever. Just saying. Wish me luck!

ETA2: By moving onto my next move, I might be incriminating myself, meaning there is a possibility that I might get fined, sued, getting my *** thrown into jail. I'm serious, I was so pushed to the corner, I had to act and as a result of that, I did what I can't take back now. I still maintain what I did was right for a right cause. Which is for the healthy worker's environment, for workers who works hard every day for the company which does an environmental work, we save the planet, which I love to do, still want to.