I work as a CNA, I 've watched more people die than I can count. Now I've provided post mortem care to more bodies than I can count. While the dead bodies don't affect me much, the dying people are taking its toll. My soul is just exhausted with the terrible decisions I'm forced to make with my dying people. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that the only option society allows is euthanasia by starvation while assisted suicide is illegal. The horrendous suffering.

I want it to happen quicker. I wet her gaping mouth, lips and tongue, so dry the wet toothette sticks to them. I know if I give her a drink, she would suck it down, it might postpone the inevitable for maybe a few minutes, but even 5 more minutes is too long. Which to grant, her last wish for a drink of water, or her last wish for deaths mercy.

As I'm walking out of the room, I see him pull his nasal cannula off and toss it onto the floor. It can't come fast enough for him either, do I stop and put it back on, or pretend I didn't see it. Just how fast will his stats drop if I keep walking? The O2 is only a "comfort" measure and he is definitely not finding comfort in it.

My heart hurts