I don't know what steps you need to take in your life. It sounds like you are frustrated with both yourself, and your environment. Perhaps you could talk to your therapist about doing some solution-oriented goal setting. All the things you discussed about yourself seem due to not being happy with how your life is going rather than character defects. That said, self castigation isn't really helping you. I would talk to your therapist about using some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tools to correct faulty thinking. For instance, in CBT feelings are not facts. You can feel all is hopeless, but is that really fact? You can challenge your own thinking. That you are in advanced school, keeping up, working a job, and have friends means you are, in fact, building a foundation for the future you. You might be able to exercise your creativity by volunteering. At one of my lowest life points I started an origami club for preteens at my child's school. My motivation increased as I saw how enjoyable it was for the "club members" and we ended up selling our origami and donating the money to local charities. I know that was a tough time in my life, but looking back all I really remember is the origami club I started. Take heart. Create memories. You are still young, and life can hand you many surprise twists and turns, so you have to stay alert. Best of everything to you in your journey.