Hello Aina.

Sound like you are going through an 'existential crisis', or a 'spiritual crisis'.

Have you considered doing art therapy?
I am an artist too, and have done art therapy to an extent unknowingly in my earlier life history. Then while studying psychology for three years I learnt about art therapy, bought some books about it, and started applying it more seriously. It has (is) helping me a great deal, especially finding one's truth.

I too have motivational trouble when it comes to doing art. Art therapy has been my motivation in most of my artworks.

There are a few threads about it on this forum. Maybe they will give you an idea of what and how to help yourself out of your crisis.