((((((((jinnyann))))))))) i totally understand. i had to work myself through all the issues in my life, as well. i tried to kill myself once 14 years ago. well, i'm still here. despite the fact that i've taken care of all the issues i've had, and read all the self-help books i could get my hands on over the years, my depression still sticks. apparently, it's clinical, not just event-related. my chronic depression is treatment-resistant. i hope to find whatever what can help me. i did whatever i could do to help myself get out of the depression. i had thought that searching within myself would do the trick, but obviously not. i want to commend you, though, because it is really helpful. hope is a commodity many people take for granted. i wish the best for you.