I promise you, your problems can be dealt with. Dealing with depression long term is hard, hard as hell but I need you to remember how many people care about you. Talk to someone, it doesn't have to be someone professional, it can be anyone on this forum. You could even talk to me if you want, I'll never turn someone down. The wisdom and advice people can share is astronomical but unless you talk to someone, no one can help you. Don't give up like this, I promise you, after you see light at the end of the tunnel you will feel ten times better. You just need to find that light at the end, you'll never get there if you give up. Don't trap yourself into feeling this way, please find someone to help you.