Thanks, everyone. I got another one for ya. :-) I don't think I've been officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, my pdoc just seems to think it comes along with the depression, but I am beginning to wonder, not to mention worry myself.

Wednesday generally is my boss's day out of the office. She works from home, a bit, anyway -- I don't think she puts in an 8-hour workday....But anyway, today she is here. Usually on Wednesdays the other guy and I take some liberties with what time we get here, since she isn't here to notice. I rolled in at 8:30 (supposed to be here at 8) and here she was. The other guy is now off on Wednesdays as well. I have no idea what's up with that.

My past experience with bosses who come in when they aren't supposed to has been that it's because I'm getting fired. So my heart leapt to my throat when i saw her here and it took me a long time to calm down, and I still haven't completely yet, though from the bits of conversation I've overheard, the issue she's here to deal with doesn't appear to have anything to do with me.

Is it possible to have anxiety triggers like you have triggers that put you into a flashback or something? Because I think that's what I'm doing. A situation comes up that's the same as one that went badly in the past, and I freak out. I was up till 1 this morning because I was too panicky to sleep and finally had to go take half a Xanax to chill out enough to sleep. Not to mention that all I could think about was cutting.....sigh. Luckily, in saner times, I got the blades out of the house.

I wish I weren't so suspicious and paranoid all the time. Or is it just being arrogant? :-) Every time something like this happens, I automatically assume it's about me, and it's bad news.

BTW Sun, my T is such a proponent of abdominal breathing that we spend a few minutes on it in each session, if we're going to be doing something that's difficult for me. I even have a sign taped to my work computer that says "Breathe!" It sounds funny, but sometimes I forget to breathe even regularly and will find out a few minutes later that I've been holding it after I let it out. Weird, I know.

I will definitely try the other suggestions---thanks.

Candy