Back to horrendous. It only seems to ever be one bad thought away. My thought today is that my depression and anxiety is just me being unable to handle my own inherent weak and bad nature and the inevitable consequences. A chicken and egg puzzle if ever there was one and I'm sure many people who have known me would say that I'm onto something with that thought.

I wish I was a stronger person and didn't hate myself so much. Life would be so much easier without all these doubts. I don't know whether I'm weak and avoiding issues or too tough on myself unnecessarily - I just know I spend too much time feeling bad. I don't even know if other people normally torture themselves like this and I'm just too weak to handle it or if it's some psychological flaw in me where I seek out thoughts to hate myself with that is obsessive and excessive. Come back the good, old, fuzzy-headed, vomiting days from earlier. The good old days!