Ok let's see. The last time I cut was in January and that was because of how absolutely horrible and retched I was feeling and I remembered that when I was cutting on a regular basis (like at least once a day.... a least) years and years ago, that no matter how horrible I was feeling, it made it better. I wanted it to be better again. I want it to be better again now but I can't start cutting again... it's too addictive. It just added to my anxiety anyways. I was soooo worried about someone finding out about it again. I'm 25 and a mother now. I can't be cutting... Anyways... I just remember that thinking about it made me feel better. Jus knowing that I had that, that no one else knew about or at least didn't tell me that they knew about. It's what kept me on course. I guess it released my anger. I still do not share stuff like this well. I'm trying here. It screamed for me that I was hurting and I didn't have to say a word. I wanted someone to make me feel better but I couldn't tell them. So since I couldn't tell them I tried to do it myself. The pain on the outside did not even come close to the pain inside. It sorta combated it a little.

OK sorry for rambling... I hope that makes sense.