I haven't read everything in this thread, but why other than all your pain and no one you feel you can talk to, do you want to hurry up the process? What's at the heart of the matter? If you need a friend I'm here, so are many other people. That's what this place is for. Is your mind racing with thoughts, then find a doctor who can help you with medication. I felt like I was manic a bit the last few days, so I had to take something to help me sleep. Do you have access to a psychiatrist or doctor?

I believe you have to believe at some point, that you can trust doctors or therapists. I know I've been through hell with psychiatric care at times, yet, what's the other option. It could be, heaven or hell, or nothing at all.. why not bear with the pain and wait for another day, then another.... I never believed things would change. Just last night I felt so down, but I needed my meds and a good sleep. Are you sleeping well?