A friend told me that the mistress my ex used to have, while we were married, no longer counts as something important, now that we have split up. She is now the girlfriend and no one cares what happened before. My daughter met the girlfriend, and the girlfriend was talking about her friend whom she thought was behaving badly because she was carrying on with a married man. My daughter just sat there thinking 'Do you not realize you were the one stealing my dad's time and attention from his wife and four kids for the past eight years?' However, she didn't ask the question, it was not worth it and we had a good laugh when she came home. I found there is a clear choice to make on what feelings I chose to have in my life - I could choose love and concern for my kids or I could choose obsessive anger towards my ex who hasn't really thought about me for a long time. I send you hugs - this stuff hurts so much.