I don't think there is any Law of the Universe that says that each and every one of us has a special soulmate out there that we are destined to find. I, myself, am not all that compatible with other humans in general. My boyfriend and I have probably been together these many years largely because no one else would want either one of us.

Falling madly in love is only one reason to get married. Not wanting to be alone is as good a reason as any. I think getting married is saying to someone, "I'm not here just until something better comes along." Apparently, not all operate on that principle. People look at spouses, nowadays, like they do at cars and houses. People have "starter" spouses . . . to be traded in when it's time to trade up. "This may not be the guy/gal of my dreams, but why should I be alone, while I'm hoping for that really special person. Maybe that person will never show up. I deserve some happiness, in the meantime." I don't fault anyone for settling, but I don't respect forming an alliance, with the idea that, "I may be moving on, depending on what options I get." I know people who will never firmly accept an invitation, if they can avoid it. A better offer might come along, and they want to be free to go where appeals to them most. These are the relatives who say, "I might stop by Christnas Eve." and they might, or not. Depends on what is going on elsewhere. Sooner, or later, I think these people outsmart themselves. No one cherishes their friendship because their interest in others is tentative.

The trend these days is to try to have it both ways. Unmarried couples go so far as buying houses together. One foot solidly in, but maybe a toe poised toward an exit door. I've been in that crowd myself. I'm with a guy for decades, but no marriage. We've entwined our lives, so that I feel really obligated to him, even though I no longer live with him. I wouldn't recommend my approach to anyone, but I understand that there can seem to be so many angles to consider that it seems like the best option is to not commit more than you absolutely have to.

I don't know if my discussion here helps at all. I guess I'm just trying to acknowledge what I believe causes people to feeled pulled in different directions at the same time. It's crazy making, and it's not all our fault. Social expectations that used to discipline us just aren't there anymore. Each of us is on our own to figure it out from scratch because social conventions that took millennia to evolve have collapsed. Society doesn't care what you do. We are very free to come up with whatever arrangement our brains can cook up.

Mainly, I think we have to strive to maintain our integrity as best we can. To me that means that I don't want to leave someone I get involved with worse off than if they had never met me.