So I've had a multitude of bad sexual encounters, including but not limited to childhood molestation, rape at 15, and probable date rape at 17 (I don't remember it, a third person was present and told me years later that the whole situation felt very "rapey"). I can think of only a handful of consensual encounters where I didn't have some sort of adverse reaction, ie making him stop or fighting off a panic attack. I've found sex pleasurable/somewhat enjoyable maybe 4 times.

I started dating a really great guy a couple months ago. He knows enough about my history, he agreed we should take it slow and he's okay with me setting the pace. He said he'll wait as long as I need, and I believe him. He's never pressured me to do anything. Thing is, I still don't particularly like sex; in the past, it was done mostly out of obligation or fear of being abandoned. But I'm done with that. I won't do it unless I want it. I don't want this to cause problems in my relationship. I want to be able to have a healthy sexual relationship. But I don't know how. I don't know how to stop being scared. Please help.