And I'm being too open again and starting to hate the feelings expressed here. I basically go between completely closed off, and spilling out all over the place in a very melodramatic fashion, with very little in between. Note to self - value the anonymity and never show this to anyone. This isn't their experience and they wouldn't understand. They would think that they do as they might have glimpsed this type of mindset periodically but they wouldn't only know this, so they might initially be supportive but they'll get irritated by the weakness and selfishness of it all very quickly. I'm irritated too but that doesn't stop it happening. If I could switch it off then I would. It's so limiting and self-defeating.