Yesterday I have had a horrible day after a sleepless week, falling really sick and having to make it to a very important meeting with my mentors at my university that would define if I can graduate or not in 6 months. Except of being a mental mess, I have fallen deep in depression the past 2 months. I have had mild depression for the past 3 years and only last year I dared visiting a professional and getting help after 4 weeks of physical symptoms (heart race, insomnia, pain in chest and throat, severe panic attacks.) I am taking medication, the minimum dose as I was scared I might get too addicted on it. I have had minimum counseling before of time issues and also my insurance does not cover it and I cannot afford it.

I was even asked by my mentors what is my problem as I am self-sabotaging myself for the last 2 months by working extremely much but not appreciating and making my work appear banal and unnecessary. I used to be much more motivated and empowered and I would do whatever was on my mind. But since depression hit my brain is diffused and everything I ever think appears incomplete and banal.

How can I get a grip on myself?