I'm posting my thoughts here, so I can have it all in a place. I probably should share part of all this with T.

''T,

I'm going through all sort of emotions. First it was mostly sadness and anxiety. It's still that, but now there's also some anger. But sadness still has the upperhand.

I'm googling 'my T is pregnant' and it's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels about this like me. I acted just happy when you told me. I'm happy for you. Another girl, how wonderful. But right after I panicked. I felt so sad.

And tonight I've actually cried. I've no idea how I'm going to go through months without seeing you. I'll be all my myself again.
But then I also felt some anger. Mostly about therapist in general. I detested therapists before I met you. And now. How can you do this! How can any T do this. Seriously, are you all so stupid. Why be a T when you know you're going to be pregnant and leave them for some time. Do you know how mean/selfish that is. All T are just useless and stupid. I hate T's. I never want to see one again. You T's do more wrong than good. **** you all!

You knew you would be going on leave soon when I told you that I think I can be without you when I don't need therapy again, but that I don't want to be without you while I still need therapy. Because you've been the only T I've trusted and who was able to help me.
That was last month. And you ****ing knew that this, you leaving me while I still need therapy, would going to happen in a few months.

I like you, but right now I ****ing hate you!

I just want to go to next session and yell ''**** you. Go be happy with your baby. I don't want therapy from you ever again. **** all T's!''
I don't want to see another T again. Never! I hate them!


(I'm a real mess right now)''



''T,

Some sessions ago we talked about my jealousy. You said/asked if I was still a bit afraid to lose you. And I was/am.
And now I'll lose you in a few months. And you already knew. You knew when you asked me that.
And then you told me this at the end of the session, when it was time to leave. No time to talk about it. Just for the start of the weekend. It won't bother you. No, you all happy and everything. But me, I'm a crying, anxious, angry mess. And I've no one to talk to. ''