I'm so, so sorry you feel this desperate. Suicidal thoughts are definitely not something you 'should' keep to yourself.

I suggest your therapist is a good person to tell. She's paid to accept what you say, any questions would not be because she doesn't believe, but more to try to help you understand yourself, even if the depression stops you feeling like that's the case. Many therapists do the job because they have suffered themselves and they want to reach out to support other people.

You never know, she may even have had similar thoughts herself (though she wouldn't say) and may understand more than you think. It's a good place to start and you don't deserve to bear this on your own.

Thank you for sharing and I wish you good luck and courage if you decide to share it with her.

❤️