You say YOU lost your house. He is free of responsibility from that? (rhetorical). You say you have no one else. You have You. Also, you should have a professional support group. It sounds like you are not trying to learn all of the options available to you. That could be something you could motivate yourself to do.

Even my insurance company has a person assigned to assist people with mental Illness, plus there would be an Armhs worker I could have if I wanted. (Had one for over 3 years, choosing not to at this time).

I am not asking you to try to face those scary words,"be strong", I am asking you to learn if you have the options to "lean differently".

And as a friend (even though we just met) stop cutting please. Get up, and find something to put in your head other then yourself. Water a plant, shake out a rug...