Please, I know it's hard, but you have to learn to let the past go. The only thing we have with ourselves is NOW. Whatever hapenned, you can't change it.

Meditate, find a sport you like (martial arts, swimming), write, find other hobbies that you like (chess, a literary club), forgive yourself and others, learn to love and respect Nature, eat healthier, travel a bit.

Those are some suggestions I can give you. Don't wait to be fine to do things, do things in order to be fine, to be better and to grow.

You can do it. Keep in touch.

Federico