I used to feel ashamed but now I know this isn't really my fault. Shame is driven by a societal stigma that we cannot control. Having a diagnosis is freedom - freedom from hiding it, freedom from confusion, freedom from shame. True, there are things that I still *own* and need to change but I negotiate that with myself. I can't blame the world for my problems, I can't smash things in my house, I can't make everyone around me miserable. I try not to make excuses and allow the BP to overtake me. But if we can find a comfortable place, we can find peace.