Yes. We may end up there again. The therapist tried to get him to understand the "dance" of communication. That discussions about issues are necessary to make changes, to better understand each other and relationship growth.

This is an example: While at dinner one night a year or two ago, while trying to talk about how disconnected I feel from him, I said something like "when I'm around you, I feel like i'm with someone who is blank inside". Of course this was mentioned with the best intent and it was said very gentle, in order to just describe what I was feeling. Not that he WAS a blank person. So the whole conversation turned sour, he got defensive and he shut it down. The therapist tried to explain to him how this was not an attack on him, but instead it was intended to expand a discussion. He didn't get it. It's these basic communication attempts that drive me crazy when they are shut down and i'm accused of being nasty and attacking him.

Therefore, just about any conversation that's other than positive, is considered a conflict and a drain on him. Having to be so extremely gentle and calculated with everything I say and how I say it, gets to me and I end up blowing up these days because it's just worn me out. Plus, I've started to wonder if he isn't just purposefully shutting me down to exert control. I don't know.