It sounds like you're in a really bad spot. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

It also sounds like you can't keep yourself safe right now, or you're worried you're going to hurt yourself. Call 911, go to the ER, tell your parents or another trusted, responsible adult.

If you go to the ER and tell them you're feeling suicidal and that you have a plan and the means and intention to carry it out, by law they have to admit you. If you're worried you're going to act "crazy", can you bring something that will make you feel more secure? A favorite blanket, pillow, stuffed animal, a book to read, journal to write in, a friend, one of your parents? Or when you get there, after you tell them what's going on, you can ask for a pill to help calm you down, before things get out of control.

Don't let worrying about what other people are going to think prevent you from getting the help you need. You're in a dangerous place and you need professional help now. Please go to the ER or call 911.

Let us know how things go. Take care of yourself.