Sigh. It's hitting pretty hard this time. The worst thing right now is that I really don't even want to hang out with the only two friends I have in the world. I don't want to bother them with this **** or like drag them down with me. I tried putting on the happy facade tonight and failed miserably. I'm really no good in this state; how do I tell them that I don't want to talk without losing their friendship entirely?

And this conundrum makes me feel even worse.