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Originally Posted by magicalprince
I got her to at least vaguely acknowledge the truth in the end. But it came at the price of her stubbornly, rapidly refusing to have anything more to do with me, no matter how much pain it caused me and how much I finally needed her to have meant all the things she had said in the past. Just buried her head in the sand and returned to this fantasy that I'm out there living a rich and wonderful life thanks to her magical therapy. A fantasy I felt immense pressure to go along pretending was real. She probably even told herself it was for my sake that she abandoned me. Again, because it's so convenient to codify everything into therapy protocol to automatically be absolved of all responsibility for the failures.
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This is almost verbatim my experience. I got a begrudging and coerced apology, and a shaky acknowledgment that possibly significant harm was done. But she was interspersing these things with assertions that therapy had helped me, that she had put me back together sufficiently before abandoning me, that it was because she cared. She had to control the narrative and the endings. The endings were always like a gun to the head -- say what you need to say, when the conversation is over that is it, no more contact ever. Even if it was traumatic to end that way, tough s**t because she is in charge and because she wanted to make sure the narrative/fantasy was in tact. Infantilizing and humiliating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by magicalprince
I'm not over my pain at all. But I at least learned from it. I don't know. I don't think I'm even seeking to express it per se. Doesn't seem like anyone can say anything to make it better, right?
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Same here. Sorry you are in this position. It is a terrible feeling.
She basically haunts my consciousness 24/7. I even dreamed about her last nite.