Hang in there, do the best you can. You can do this. I definitely get where you're coming from. I'm quickly heading in that direction and having a really hard time stopping the downward spiral, or even slow it down. But like you said in a previous post, and I'm paraphrasing, but I think it was something like;" Life throws stuff at you sometimes and you just have to deal with it". Something along those lines. One thing they stressed at every single treatment center I went to was that "slips" were inevitable and falling down was okay, as long as you made sure you kept on getting back up. I guess I'm just trying to get back up and it sounds like you are too. Hang in there.