I can't believe im saying this out in the open.

I have some serious trust issues, not just with my current partner, but with everyone around me. Best friends, even my parents. I'm 26 years old. I have a great bond with both my mother and father (mroe like frinds than parents!) and I have a really tight small circle of friends who are more like sisters to me than friends. But still I can honestly hold both of my hands up and say, there is not one person in the world who i can say that I trust.

My parents, my friends and my partner have given me absolutely no reason for me not to trust them. They have never betrayed me, we have open minds towards each other and are comfortable enough to say what we mean to each other. In fact, I'm extremely lucky to have those people in my life.

The main relationship my issues is affecting at the moment is with my boyfriend. Still a fairly new relationship (just over 18 months?). Ive made some seriously bad choices in men throughout my life, where every one of them has hurt me quite deeply in some way. This includes a 6 year relationship I had with the father of my child, where the majority of the relationship he was hurtful, emotionally abusive and I caught him messaging other women (even when I was pregnant/our child was only a few months old). a few of many deceptions. A lot of the time it was during our 'happier' stages as well. It has made me so sceptical towards not only men in general, but the human race for having our own selfish needs.

Now I knew this would play a major part on my relationships so forth from the split two year ago, some of it for the best (easily letting go of so called 'friends' from my life who weren't worthy of my friendship and so on), and Im glad I went through everything I did because at the other end of it, I finally saw myself for my true worth.

But now it's affecting my life in a negative way. My current partner is the most honest, open, kind and loving guy I have ever had enter my life. Up to now, he has given me no reason whatsoever not to trust him. I have been so strict, especially with men since my childs father, that I have dropped them without a problem if they didnt live up to my (extremely high!) standards. I know I have a good one with my current guy, as the hard faced no ******** me would have cut him from my life sooner if I detected even a sniff of deception.

But yet, 18 months down the line I can honestly not say that I trust him, or anyone else in my life for that matter, however grateful I am to have such loving people in my life.

The past week, me and said boyfriend had a little bit of a bedroom issue, where I felt he wasnt opening up to me about this needs as i felt he should be. He acknowledged I was upset, stayed up and listened to me, and even tried the resolve the issue. Even though he handled it in the best way possible, my anxiety and bitterness towards him for not bringing it things like that out in the open has somehow pushed my trust issues further, even though its something relatively small. I'm freaking out and starting to see him in a negative way, even though he hasnt done anything to intentionally hurt me.

I dont know where to start, and I feel so silly for posting. But all this negativity towards the people in my life has started to become a major issue I cant even seem to overcome. Has anyone elses experiences made them the same? Or has anyone actually learnt to deal with their inner critic and push through it?