Hi,

I've been on these forums before under the name Music Rules Me, but I can't seem to get onto the account.

So I've been depressed since I was at least 11 (I'm now 22).

For the last apprx. year I've been suicidal, but haven't done anything because I know it would hurt people.

Recently, I've been the same, yet I've been involved slightly with one of my best friends. While I've been terrified that I'll drag him down with my depression, I've also been hoping for some sort of relationship, as I thought that maybe he would be able to give me the help that I need, and be the one who understands me and accepts my scars, etc.

I asked him tonight what was happening with us, and he said that he was just having fun.

Now I feel that the one ray of hope has been crushed, and the one person who I felt that maybe I could learn to rely on has disappeared.

I don't know what to do. As I said, I've felt suicidal for a while, and although I know I wont do anything, those feelings are very much present.

How am I meant to feel when all of my slight hopes and the only bit of future I could imagine have gone?

I feel played, and as someone rather broken anyway, it's too much to handle. What am I meant to do?