for some reason replying with quote is not working now. I have tried many times. So will make my own quotes !
Marmaduke: "I had no support, mother didn't like anyone in the house 'nosing around' so I was pretty isolated.

Suicidal thoughts came early, about 8 years old. Should I throw myself out the moving car? Walk in front of one of the juggernauts that thundered though the village?
I had a serious clinical dark depression at 16

A total breakdown.

The only place I've ever read about the same thing was in the book by Sylvia Plath 'The Bell Jar'.

I was given pills, anti depressants I suppose. I felt a little better after three weeks.
I kept crying. Mother said she was sick of the sight of me and my 'grizzling all over the place irritated her immensely'.

Nope. No support.

I hope the therapy helps you Atypical x

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I am SO sorry you had no one to help or support you. But I do understand about the abusive parent not wanting anyone around. Sorry to say its kinda classic Kids get no protection.

I too was suicidal. Still am some of the time. But really I dont think I could ever go through with it. Because I feel like it would be better if I finish what I started. Still I beg that spirit takes me soon.

You wrote: "juggernauts that thundered though the village" What are those? I dont think we had those where I lived.

I had the same thing when I cried. Mother would get very annoyed. Even when her son died. I sat there crying. It was my brother who died. I was not making sounds. just my eyes leaking. But that was not okay. If ever i said I was upset about it she would bark back at me "well how do you think I feel? He was my son". Honestly I never discounted that. But that's the nature of NPD.

Do you have any relationship with you mother now?