What is attractive about a 14 year old?

Sometimes I just want to ****ing light myself on fire to burn off the sensation of him touching me
He wasn't human no man should ever be attracted to a 14 year old. Ever.
Something was wrong but I didn't see it. I fell for the age is just a number
I can still hear his voice; "you like it" but I didn't like it it hurt

Why after so many years can I still feel him in me?
I get so scared he's going to come back and hurt me and every night it's the same thing
Flashbacks flashbacks flashbacks flashbacks

Back to me year 2009. 14.
14 is an evil number. I wish 2009 never happened.

It's his fault, not human.
He was a monster.