i believe therapists that specialize in abuse understand how scary this is for you. you're not the only one who feels this way. the therapist will be gentle with you. should be, at least. so, you can build up trust in the therapist. but, trust is important, of course, so don't be disappointed in yourself if you don't get much out of yourself in the first session or two, or however long it usually takes. of course, telling your therapist how you're feeling helps a lot, too, since they can't read minds. I'm talking about your new therapist, of course. sorry. anyway, i know exactly how you feel about messing around with memories you don't want to deal with. i didn't either, but they had to come out. my memories did me a lot of harm, so i had to do something about them. and i'm glad i did. it took years of healing, and it worked. we're here anytime you need us.