MP: Thanks for the interesting thoughts. Have to say I cannot rationalize my experience nearly to that extent. Mostly it just feels like a senseless torment. I have suffered for a year and a half specifically because of this experience. Certainly my personal history is underlying things, but who gives a s**t? The experience itself was excruciating. Took me months to realize that my subjective experience of the whole thing is the reality, not her interpretation, which is driven by her own needs.

It was psychological and emotional torture -- to fiddle with someone's deepest longings, have no plan once the longings were exposed, then just flee and blame me as she is running away. I was victimized, whether intended or not. I don't like being in the role of victim, it is ruinous, but that is truly how I feel and I refuse to lie about it.

I'm not clear on just what sort of feedback and reciprocation of feelings you received from your T? For me this is crucially important in these situations -- was it fundamentally reciprocal (validation) or unrequited (rejection). And part of the madness, in my view, is that the client seemingly rarely gets honest feedback so how do you know? My T said "no" to the answer of whether she had feelings for me, but it was an ambiguous and confusing "no". Still, I experienced it as a profound rejection. Was like dying.