Quote:
Originally Posted by Downunder mummy
Hey,
I was fooling around on Google, looking for a term I couldn't quite articulate, not so much a term, but a feeling. As I typed in why do I feel ashamed or embarrassed when I have fun, I realised I was way off track. Nevertheless I continued and came to another question I couldn't answer, am I a bad person? Why do I feel that I am such an awful person?
I have a long history of abuse and neglect from my alcoholic father and then an extremely volatile marriage to a narcissist. I suffer from ptsd as a result.
I also suffer from a major depressive disorder and have been diagnosed BPD?
But this ingrained feeling in me that I am bad, dirty and worthless just won't give up. I try my best to be a good person. But I just feel like I'm just a piece of ****.
And the other question, why do I feel stupid if I have too much fun? I feel like a complete idiot if I can't keep my excitement under wraps. I wish I didn't have to live with me  
|
Due to your history of sexual assault (me too), and there it is. It increases over the years and not unusual to blame yourself. Psychotherapy is your best shot along with any meds u are ordered to cope. Good Luck! Oh check out your thyroid too. Stress kills it.