'daily' check-in. D'you do that?

After 4,5 hrs of sleep, I woke up in the bed thinking lots of things. The moment of my consciousness kicking back into gears even without the help of coffee, not that interesting things happening but I guess I'm going to start typing a bit about it, since I want to be as productive as any other person on the planet, being unemployed and I have,,I need structure, that's what I'm trying to do.

Lately, I usually wake up, if I get some sleep holding pee. It's cold and rainy out, the sound of the rain was the first noise that came to my consciousness this morning. I knew it was gonna rain 'cuz I checked last night,,, yeah. Maybe I should start and connect from last night.

The connection between this morning and the last night. First thought, "Did I really do those things?"

(I been taking a bit of break here and there, had a bowl of serial, drinking coffee like water. Did a mother of laundry too last night, it took a lot of me yesterday..)

I consider myself lucky in this ordeal because I can still have these rather rational thoughts of mine, and express it most of the time. Sometimes, I think that when I start to think more, the more my brain seems to be hurting, and if I try to rest it, it feels it is wanting to do more. So I'm being sandwitched, and I'm going to be delicious someday.

So, yeah, online stuff, offline stuff, that's my normal to check back on what I did, what I said, but I can't manage to do the check on all of the things, I know I did, just don't wanna believe it sometimes, I guess, I have this shy personality intact somewhere. I'm looking at lots of my thoughts from this morning, only has been half an hour or so since I got up, let's get on with it before those are gone.

The big why, why am I choosing this way of life? Go see a doctor and check your head out, and let them, or do the help yourself, that's only one way to look at this thing. I shouldn't be telling too much of my pains and struggles here, because this won't help much, in any case, my case is milder, every time I look into forum threads from here, I feel that way.

I really don't read much of stuff outside of this very thread in bipolar section, this morning I realized that why that is. Because this place is like any other places the people drive what's been discussed and I want to have some control over it, I guess this is not only my wisdom, but that's shared with so many others here, that for newly diagnosed person, without educating themselves on MI, can get a bit ..too much. The informations can get too much of an uninteded bad effect on them, just the internet, right? You need moderation, self control over things you do.

I was reading "how to prevent hypo", last night, used some of the advice there. I forgot about the overspending and sleep!, I just picked one that was the easiest, so I popped two aspirin, with some valerian pills, they worked. I don't believe in 100% no caffeine theory though, I don't drink nor do drugs, I just want to keep the love for coffee in my life, that is all.

People are bad enough, they consider their situation bad enough to fix them with pills, not only for MI, but the easy solution, like ppl popping sleeping pills everywhere. The basics, the basic part of our life is controlled by the lifestyle that we are expected to have. Did anyone read my previous post where I said 'the price we pay' ?

Let me tell you something personal here, about my recent hiccups on the job. Turns out, I had been self employed all this time, and there had been no contract what so ever. Huge difference to what would be in America for example. It is more than paying under the table or things like that, I knew, I kinda knew, but this stupid aholes didn't even know, even for this small company I was working for, this dictator, a General Manager himself didn't know what sort of deal I and the company had. Ridiculous beyond your imagination, innit?

When I posted some comment on someone else's thread the other day, since I recognize the cultural difference often, I talk about it intentionally. That's just the part of me. This can be said on personal things/traits too, the way see things differ vastly a lot of times. Japanese ppl are STUPID! Including this dickhead right here.

The famous bowing of head, show/sign of respect, well, unless you mean it! I'd rather prefer expressive middle finger over that. You hate me with your gut, now we understand each other. Punch me in the face and we understand each other better, that is my personal belief and as long as I understand it, it is not a crime itself unless I intend/wish to sue.

Freedom in most part of this world are one of the good things that connects us. Land of the freedom and its pitfall? Individualism. Hmm...whatever, man, I love America, it's just everywhere, they dominate most of the internet, does BBC tell me any different? I just don't have enough time, the folks over there are nice, they bring me news and I love that. At the same time, I'm gonna stick it to them, my freedom, I'm obsessed, aren't I?

The last time I visited this Labor Standard Supervision Office and met this officer for help, I told him about my view on freedom and what my wanna be dictator preached. I was crying again, haha. Before I get there, I was standing at this train station, was thinking about what this boss man told me, "even a 17,18 yo kids would understand..." so I grabbed(talked with) a couple of them, taught them and asked them about the human freedom. I also talked to this young lady who was smoking at where she wasn't supposedly smoking, but there was an ashtray there. Weird right? She was a complete stranger, didn't understand half of what I was saying, but I congratulated her for exercising the freedom that we all share. No touchy? I was patting on her shoulder repeatedly, I wouldn't have touched her skin? Not sure.... Even if I don't like certain things done to me, if I don't watch myself all the time responsibly, sometimes it's a bit hard to control.

By the way, I got no point to make in this post. I'm expecting a phone call regarding my job again, I hope it gets done and over with soon. The workers at this shopping mall, I was there yesterday doing grocery shopping, talked to some of them. Thought to myself, I could buy a box of canned coffee for so many nice folks who helped me get through the day while I was there. Killing with/showing my kindness type of things, my company thinks that I'm not allowed to do that, I'm still debating what to do about this, or other foam of RETALIATION!

All they did was making false allegations, they think they can put their thoughts against mine, I'm gonna break his, while I make and try to change other mind, the immediate boss who kindly hired me. I know I know nobody needs saving or I'm not conceited to think that I'm capable.

Being a bipolar(ish) and his career. It is entirely possible that I will become so called untreated bipolar who is homeless or the one in jail cell. This shouldn't happen, and I'll be honest, except the ones that's self-employed, being under employed or doing any sort of work when you have some sort of MI, and they try to fit in sometimes, like they got no choice. That's another skill, it should be included in the curriculum of self mastery that I'm going to achieve this year.

I have a lot of tabs open and the browser is starting to crash often. Better go and read, be done with. Thanks for reading, how ,,,does it look, if you ignore someone? Your page may look cleaner, if you put me on the list. Put me any type of list, so I can feel that I made it! Cheers!