Quote:
Originally Posted by marmaduke
Grace.
A juggernaut is large lorry.
My mother died last year at 92
I didn't love her, there was nothing to love. I don't miss her, there was nothing to miss.
Truth is it was a relief when she died I felt free.
Free from my mother and middle sister a narcissist/sociopath and mothers chosen Golden Child, her mini me. They were a package.
Though NPD middle sis secretly hated mother even tho she was doted on, worshiped by her.
I do feel the best thing someone can do if they have a destructive NPD family is to get away, as far as possible.
Then there is a chance to be the real you rather than the character imposed on by your narc FOO. Who never 'see' you.
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okay, I just googled the meaning of the word Lorry. Got it now.
Sorry your middle Sister is NPD and sociopath. That must be hard. Glad you felt free when your mom died. That at least says you had completely indivuated from her. My brother who had compassion died. The other one is intense and intensely sensitive. But he has a cruel bite unless I am ultra careful. He is a powerful lawyer. So his bite is a bit lethal for someone sensitive as myself. I walk on eggshells around him. It seems to work okay. Just as long as I am beyond careful. His wife seems to have ice water running through her veins. She was a trained psychotherapist. But she doesn't practice. They hate my mother. I can find compassion for her. What they complain about with her is nothing in terms of what mother does to me. But the brother tends to be very short tempered. and yes, abusive. So I am alone. He is way too abusive to ever have a real relationship with. His wife, ice water. I am healing. Have been working on it for decades. But the healing of it all is slow. on a functional level I will always be too broken. One of the dx for me is learned helplesness. the example usually used is of an animal that has been caged all its life. When it is set free it cannot move. The bars of the cage are not physical anymore....
But there are other levels that have been healing. eg I am much less dissociative than I once was. I usually do not lose time anymore etc. Other ways i am healing. Even if the bars are still there. My heart still breaks easily. But at least I do have a functioning heart
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
For a long time I had no idea that anything was all that wrong with my family, being psychopathic and/or narcissistic is normal in my family so I didn't really think anything of it until adulthood... and I'm also highly narcissistic so realizing I wasn't normal was... fun, lol!
I never blamed myself, though I did wonder the usual questions, whys and all of that. Now I just accept that evil people do evil things, there's no understanding for it. Just acceptance.
I certainly hope you can stop blaming yourself, this **** isn't your fault, seriously.
I think I would be far less functional if I wasn't a Narcissist myself, I'm very high functioning. I don't work due to physical problems(I'm crippled thanks to all the torture I endured), but I still do a lot and I have a very fulfilling life.
I don't think talking about who's had it "worse" is all that healthy. Pain isn't on a hierarchy.
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Sounds like you have a lot of courage to face things. Admirable, imho. I guess not blaming yourself made it easier to face your own stuff. And you are so right in not blaming yourself. Nothing was your fault, of course. Sorry you are physically disabled. I hope you are not in physical pain. Awesome though that you have a fulfilling life. We are opposites in that respect. Except for all the basic illnesses that go along with anxiety, heartbreak, depression I am very physically functional. Just low functioning in every other way. But I do make progress working on it all. Someday I will feel worthy of being.... liked, loved and just being. I do try to help people whenever possible though. AND I try to have a good sense of humor and smile a lot. That helps. A LOT