She is just the one thinking of that competition.
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Even though she's the older one, she has felt behind in everything in life (from getting a license to dating to renting a house, etc.). She really wanted to be the first one to be engaged and married (even though her cousin and fiancé have been together for almost 8 years now). She thinks that because her cousin has her life "more together" that makes her a failure and her family won't care about her life.
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I don't think it comes with being an older one. Maybe family looks on maturity. With the way your gf acts, she is not yet matured.
I suggest you should not pamper her. But instead, she need to learn things for her to be mature. She needs to be secure one way or the other. I'm sorry I don't have steps/to do's to say.