Is anyone else very avoidant when it comes to relationships? In friendships I get nervous the other person doesn't really like me, thinks i'm ugly, or feels sorry for me so it's hard to let them in.

Romantic relationships are something else. I hate them. I like the sex and having someone to hang out with, but I don't want anyone around all the time, telling me they love me, etc. i love people a lot but at 33 I have never been *in* love or even thought I was, and I don't want to. After someone starts getting serious about me, I start planning how to get rid of them without hurting their feelings. I want to stay single for the rest of my life, and at this point I don't think I even can tall in love.

Is this another manifestation of bpd "chaotic" relationships? It kind of seems like the opposite of what a lot of people have, so I figured probably the same thing. This is always the criterion I feel like I don't have, and it seems like one of the most important. All of my rage is inward as well. I don't remember the last time I lost my temper. Literally probably 3 years ago.