I do think that part of having a solid, working relationship with a therapist is when both parties are open to examining their part in any ruptures/disagreements. It's critical for me when I'm in therapy that the therapist I'm working with be able to own her part in any misunderstanding. That includes times when I might very well misinterpret what she has said and reacted in a negative way. I need a therapist who gets it that I've misunderstood, who stays calm and cool headed while she works to unravel the misunderstanding. But I also need a therapist who recognizes when she's the one who misunderstood or misinterpreted something I said and owes her part in that--states her ownership clearly, apologizes and works to repair our relationship.

I do know there are therapists who can have great therapeutic skills but who also have a serious lack of personal insight into their own behavior when it comes to accepting responsibility for ruptures. I guess it's a behavior seen not just in therapists. Sometimes people just can't accept that they're wrong in messy interpersonal ruptures. They don't apologize or they apologize like this: "I'm sorry you . .. .BUT you need to . . . . " In other words, they don't really apologize and put things right back on you. Very infuriating and painful because they're never ever wrong. If my therapist was like that during our ruptures, I'd have a hard time handling it and would always come away from a rupture feeling as though I was the one who was wrong and needed to do the repairing in the relationship. Not very healing in my book!