Not sure if this is where I belong, but my docs mentioned that they suspected bipolarity or borderline, so there's that.

I feel crazy whenever I try to explain it to either someone else or myself. There arent even words to describe some of the things. Maybe if this is just everyday for you as well I'll feel better. I just need somewhere to belong. If this isn't it I'll have to keep searching.

I feel absolutely ecstatic right now. Filled with energy, happy and thoughts racing. All that, but I at the very same time feel like screaming and crying and cutting and puking and doing drugs and drinking and doing reckless thing such as going to Peru, dropping out of school, ending my life or dating a man my fathers age. Anything to let out some noise out of my head.

I ODed not too long ago and meanwhile I felt just like this. The happiest I'll ever be. Its been a month of feeling like this. Before that was 3months of pure bliss bliss heaven on earth and before that a heavy depression.

My thoughts are everywhere. Stormy and intense. Cluttered, tangled and "loud". Just very very messy. Like a fuzzy ball of noise and screaming in a too small container.

I don't know what's wrong with me and nobody I know seems to understand it either.