I'm depressed again. It kind of went a way for a while, or maybe it was just easier for me to hide then and pretend everything was okay. but its not. ive dropped out of school. i dont have a job. i recently got a speeding ticket that i have to pay before February and i have no way to pay it. i cant get the job i want or really any job since im not in high school or 18. my life just ****ing sucks right now. my depression is getting worse, im starting to stay up all night again and sleeping til the afternoon. on top of all this i was in a car accident and my parents are pushing me to go and do all this stuff for a law suit that i didnt even ask for. like physical therapy and i haaatteee people touching ne and i get panic attacks about going and my parents know all this. they dont care though. literally my only friend has a boyfriend and we hangout less because shes with him all the time. i dont really like him because hes racist and uses the n word around me when im half black. plus they just used me to drive them around the other day as if i had nothing else to do.. i also recently got into a relationship. i love the guy but this depression is getting bad and i feel like i shouldnt have gone into a relationship like this. i dont wanna leave the house because im depressed and want to sleep all the day so i can avoid thinking about my **** life. then i also get anxiety being in public and i just worry the whole time when im out. so i dont wanna see him most days and sometimes i dont even feel like talking. but i love him and dont want anyone else to have him.. and hes in love with me. no one else in my life loves me. i dont wanna lose him but i suck. plus i have disordered eating and want to lose weight so bad but right now ive just been eating and purging and i just cant stop that ****. i need to get back to restricting and exercising but im too depressed. i hate everything about myself. the guy im with thinks im beautiful and im not. i dont want him holding me or touching me or looking at me because i feel so ****ing disgusting. ugh i just.. idk how to do relationships especially with having anxiety and depression and all my problems. i dont want him thinking that he doesnt make me happy because he does.. im just depressed also.
ugh idk all this is overwhelming and i just wanna cry
can anyone relate to any of my issues.. wanna talk?