I think Allheart said it pretty well above. I can only speak from personal experience which is similar to yours. I got terminated with t 1 and I was just devastated, I felt worse after therapy than ever before starting it. So, I decided to start training to be a t, in a way it was a way to be closer to her. I wanted to experience training to be a t like she had. I niavely thought we could be colleagues or even friends.
What really excited me about training was I had to have a further 100 hours of therapy. I emailed t thinking because I was doing this training that she would have to see me again but alas, she didn't and wouldn't. I was devastated but I have met some wonderful new ts a long the way, most far better than t1 and I am glad I did my training because I can see why you should never terminate a client like t1 did to me and you should never blame the client.
I am not sure if any of that resonates with you but I really hope you don't give up, perhaps this will be a way to heal the sadness that you feel in a safe environment. Only you can know why you are drawn to this training and perhaps the reasons are not clear yet but I do know that it is an opportunity to grow and hopefully move on

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