This is a letter I have written to my mother and I have not sent it yet because for some reason I am losing my nerve to do so.

Not sure if I am asking for to much, a miracle perhaps. Please note: the link I have posted is triggering and please use extreme caution if you choose to click the link. Thank you.



Dear Mother,

I have always felt like an outsider. I spent more then half of my life examining what it was about me that would justify the way I was treated by you, and your side of the family. I guess you wouldn’t understand unless you were the one on the receiving end.
I have always had a “soft-spot” for you. Not really sure why, perhaps I thought if anyone cared for me, it had to be you because you are my mother.
I am very, very confused and have analyzed what exactly I did that would warrant you placing me into a self proclaimed “hard-core drug rehabilitation program”, at the age of 12.
You freely admit know that looking back you could have, and should have handled the situation in a different way, but sadly that still does not make up for the experiences I endured because you couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with me.
I have bit my lip for years regarding my childhood. Mostly because I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted to support you no matter what. Again, I am not sure why. I just craved your approval.
I do not consider my behavior as a child reckless. I skipped school a few times. I wore clothing that wasn’t up to your approval. I wore heavy make-up. I hung out with a crowd that was less then “savory”. All these things added together equal a behavior issue that you didn’t bother to investigate for yourself. You took the words, and the stories from other as truth and you never bothered to include me or ask me what was going on with me.
You worked a lot, I do not dispute that . But you didn’t work 7 days a week, although you would have never have known that because you were hardly ever home. When you weren’t working, you were at the “Newgate” partying, or out with friends. You certainly didn’t make your home life a priority. For whatever reason, I don’t know. That isn’t even why I am so upset.
You have four children. Of those four children I am the only one who you threw away. And you did, throw me away. Your actions by placing me in Straight caused a chain of events still felt today in my life. You don’t understand. You never did. You always think that someone can get over it. Without experiencing what I experienced, I find it hard to believe you would ask me to just “get over it”, or “forget it” because I am no longer in those situations.
Don’t you get it? I can not forget it. I just can’t forget it. The more I try the angrier I get. I deserve the chance to tell my side of the story and be heard once and for all. I deserve that because I am the one who endured it. Not you, not Garry, not Brittany, not Mike and not Leslie. JUST ME. I am sick and tired of being told to get over it. I want you to understand exactly what your actions caused for me. You are my mother. As such it was your job to protect me. To make sure that I wasn’t hurt. That I wasn’t hungry. That I wasn’t sick. But by placing me in Straight Inc. you placed me in harms way for nearly a year. Even though I told you over and over again what was happening to me there. Again, you chose others, the words of others over me. You never once believed me over them. Never. Why did you place me there? What did I do that was so %#@&#! horrible that would justify you putting me into a place like that? What’s worse is that you lied to me for years and told me that you had to work hard to pay for Straight because insurance didn’t cover it and Dad wasn’t helping you. But just the other day, I find out that you didn’t pay for anything. So this leaves me wondering what else you have kept from me regarding this whole ordeal.
Maybe it is easy for you to put this behind you. But it isn’t for me. I deserve answers. I deserve the truth. And I want it.
Who told you about Straight?
Who paid for it?
Did you research the facility prior to placing me there or was the word of you Lawyer good enough for you?
Did you ever try to take me out of there? If no, why not? If yes, why were you not successful in doing so?
Did you actually see that drug test they “supposedly administered to me”?
Did you see the results of the drug test?
What did you tell them about me?
Was it easy to leave me there?
Did you continue to think I was lying when I told you all the horrible things they were doing to me? I suppose yes, since you left me in there.
You never believed me about anything, which I never understood because I never made any bones about anything I was doing.
You never tried to ask me what was wrong with me, or why I was acting that way. You assumed I was doing all these drugs and that I was going to die.
I also confirmed with Dad that he did call you a few months after he got me out to tell you that I was having issues again, but he contends that he never, ever, ever said that he “wished he had kept me in there” as you expressed to me.
In fact, Dad told me that he tried several times to get me out of there without your help, and without success. He said that he specifically told you he did not want me placed in Straight that day and you waited until he left to go to work from that meeting and signed me in behind his back. I do know that to be the truth.
I spent all these years wondering why in the hell Mom Mom, Aunt Jori and the rest of them were so stand offish to me, why they treated me like an outsider. Why wouldn’t they? You did.
My experience there left me and sometimes still leaves me feeling ashamed, embarrassed and lost and so much more, I can not even begin to express. I was sleep deprived. I was food deprived. I wore the same clothes for days at a time. I was physically retrained. I was physically hit being brought into intake rooms and yelled at for hours because I refused to admit drug use. I refuse to admit it because there was nothing there to admit. The more I told the truth there, the more mistreated I was. I was brainwashed and made to feel like a piece of %#@&#! lower then the earths crust. I was kept there against my will. When I did start to progress to the second phase, I was started over because I reeked of “cigarette smoke” that came from you. They accused me of smoking and wouldn’t listen to any other explanations.
Did you not find it odd that I was never allowed to speak with you alone and vise versa?
I am asking a favor of you. I want to be done with this once and for all so I want you to do something for me. I want you to visit this web site www.thestraights.com
By doing this, I feel you will have a better understanding of my experiences there, as a young child at the age of 12. Imagine if you had gone through these experiences how screwed up and alone you would feel.
Don’t just read one story, read all of them. Please for me. Read it. Research it. Understand my experiences and you will understand me. If you don’t then this proves to me that you just don’t care. You have washed your hands of the entire event. I wish I could. Unfortunately, my memories don’t allow me to wash my hands of the whole ordeal. I would also like Garry to read it. I think out of anyone, Garry is the only one who gets it. Who understand me and see’s the situation for what it is.
I don’t want to dredge up the past; I want to heal from it. The only way I know to heal from it, is to expose you to what I was exposed to. So you can understand why I am the way I am.