Lately I've been trying, trying hard, to do things I like . My hobbies are BLEH! And I feel horrible! I am so sad all the time, I cry, and I run,..I'm running away ,..because I'm scared.
I'm so afraid my T will give up on me at some point, I don't understand,. where this depression lies. I do things without thinking like I make ppl happy but I can't continue it because I feel guilty,..and quit,..its a horrible feeling.

I hate being at home! I told my parents this, to try and figure what it is I hate about my home. I just feel outta place, while at my friends house I feel accepted easy going and loved. My mother and I spoke about why I am depressed. We conclude its inherited depression, my grandmother was suicidal my mom di not finish school and was 16 in the 8th grade do to worrying about her mother killing herself.

My grandfather was also very low and not self confident at all. Always looking in the mirrior saying " I get uglier everyday" but this wasn't a sarcastic joke,..he truly hated himself, now my mother does this she said she was depressed until she met my father and still struggles with her emotions.

I play an online game called World Of Warcraft,..I met alot of great ppl on there,...but can't even have fun in the cyber realm of social contact,..its like my depression is taking over, I loose friends damn it,..its so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

School starts tuesday,..new principal,new teachers, new schedule, new routine..

I'm scared of all goals handed to me,...where do I begin to fix this mess I've created,....god i need YOU!...

i need you Pc!