What could she have done different?
- Perhaps not be a T in the first place.
- Better informed consent.
- More discussion up front about her training vs my issues (I found out after termination that she had little experience with attachment issues).
- Recognize that she was being triggered into her own vulnerabilities and needs, say it out loud, get supervision.
- Exercise some self awareness instead of acting out along with me. That's what I paid for.
- Be honest about level of competence, confidence, fear, uncertainty.
- Dont seduce me into vulnerability, trust, attachment, dependence… then cite the resulting feelings as the reason for termination.
- Make it safe for me to express my grief and rage.
- When it became clear that termination had dangerously destabilized me, respond in a way that served my needs rather than her own.
- Take full responsibility. Admit mistakes, face to face (not on the phone), and willingly. Basically repair repair repair!
- Don't tell me the door is always open as a condition of termination, then betray that promise later.
- If termination becomes inevitable, treat it as the most critical part of the process. Have a plan that is more than just a list of referrals and adios.
- Instead of gaslighting, acknowledge the damage honestly.
- instead of giving up, just say "I have no idea what the h**l to do, perhaps it is entirely hopeless, but I am willing to try if you are" or something like that.

Would all of this had made a big difference? Not sure. Some theorists say what is traumatic for infants and therapy clients is not painful experiences, but the lack of repair, and being left alone with the feelings.

What about you-- what could T have done different?

Re: your other questions, I can't translate this experience into a real world scenario. Too bizarre, too isolated, too unnatural, too much maternal stuff underneath, and I am too exhausted right now. But I will think about that.