Thanks for the post stefeno....and you are probably rigth to a point. I do try talking to him...calmly...but I think it comes off as a job to him. I try and make light of the fact that sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my marbles. Tuesday night in the middle of my sleep I did something I have never done before. I remember hearing DD crying...and for whatever reason I was mad.....VERY mad. Anyways, I remember (but I thought I was a dream) yelling at DH and telling him to get the *%&$# up and get her.....and I remembered waking up pushing him. But that morning I didn't know if I was dreaming or what. So I asked him....He said I freaked out on him. He said he woke up and I was hitting him and pushing him and yelling at him. I felt so horrible....and I "jokingly"...but not really....said I think I'm going nutts. I told him that my dad told me years ago that he thought my mom was bipolar. I don't think that's my deal....but I'm not sure what it is. I'm fine one second...and literaly 1 min later....I don't even know who I am...or why I'm so mad....mad to a point that I don't like myself at all. I'm not even sure I can communicate how I feel properly. It's not me. He knows it's not me. But I don't think he puts much into. Since I say in a joking manner. Because I'm afraid to be real.....I'm afraid he will think I'm nutts and leave....
Last night....DD went to bed...then woke up crying...and I didn't know why. I tryed to get her back to sleep but that didn't work. So I let her stay up and play. But I was so mad...and mad at her....I would never do anything to her.....but I was mad. And then I feel bad. I think to myself...this why people don't like kids...this is why people don't HAVE kids....and I hate myself for feeling that way. I love her so much...and I love DH....but like I said....one minute I'm fine...and the next.....I hate everyone...I want to leave.....go away and never see anyone again......
What the hell is wrong with me......